Remembrance of Tom

By John Berg

Seattle, October 20, 2001

I was one of those who knew Tom only for the past 15 or 16 years. Since I was fortunate enough to have become a part of his family, I also called him Tom so as not to confuse him with his son, Tommy. In a strange twist, however, Tom always called me Johnny, my old childhood name. That connected us in a way that seemed to have spanned my lifetime, rather than only the actual number of years we knew each other.

This is a sad occasion, but an opportunity for me to share with you what a valued and treasured friend I had in Tom. I am certain many of you have similar feelings about Tom, and through this sharing, we continue to feel his spirit in our midst.

I first met Tom when we were both members of the Queen Anne Community Council. Tom felt strongly that we could better our neighborhood and our community through the work of the council. We had long meetings discussing noisy railroads, new buildings that blocked views, public schools that weren't meeting all of the children's needs, and sidewalks and streets that needed repair. From these discussions came the idea of putting together a neighborhood plan, and Tom enlisted me and several others to join him in that effort. Aided by the city's "quick & easy" grant program we got several thousand dollars from the city's Department of Neighborhoods, and set sail into the stormy seas of land use planning.

While the grant was quick & easy, the next two years were not. During this process it became clear to me that Tom was a man committed to improving the world, one block at time if necessary. He identified how building design could impact the livability of a
neighborhood, how density of development could provide opportunities for more people from a wider economic spectrum to enjoy life on the Hill, how we could be sensitive to the needs of the young and the old, to traditional and non-traditional families, how we could address the needs of businesses to make a profit and contribute to the vitality of Queen Anne. We agonized over the words of a written survey we would send out to many, many residents of the hill to get their perspective on what Queen Anne should be. We had meeting after meeting to resolve differences of opinions and perspectives with various community stakeholders. I remember one of those meetings so very well - a fall Saturday afternoon with a small group of people sitting around a table. Tom was usually careful in his choice of words and a master in putting them together in eloquent ways I found so engaging. This was to be a day that finally drove him beyond his limits. Striking the table and swearing - a rare thing, at least in public - he lashed out at one person, who then leaped up and said with equal force, she didn't have to take that, and out she went. I shouted over my shoulder to Tom to sit down and be quiet, while I followed her out the door encouraging her to return to civil discourse at the table. Shuttle
diplomacy was not my forte. Here in full force was the strength of Tom's passion for the values of justice and equity, and for the causes he supported, and who was ready to give of his many talents, and to invest his time and energy and life in those causes. I also remember when it came time to hold the last round of community meetings; just then Tom and his family had the good luck to be invited to spend time with his parents in Italy. Saying Areviderci, Tom left me with his phone number in Italy. He called several times from Italy to see how things were going. And by then I'm sure he was enjoying some good Italian wine. I, on the other hand, had the good luck to stay on Queen Anne and hold community meetings and hear from some of the more contentious members of the community regarding the planning process we had been about for close to two years. At the end of the process Tom wrote the plan based on all that input, it was presented to, and adopted by the City Council. It continues to be a benchmark for the ongoing development and planning on Queen Anne Hill.

From the Community Council Tom moved on to the Seattle Planning Commission, chairing that body for several years, continuing to be an advocate for principles that were central to his life. To the commission he gave his organizational and leadership skills and his vision of a city that could be a home for all. He continued again to give generously of his time, attending countless meetings with developers, architects, city council members, and staff from various city departments. There are testaments to his work on the Planning commission throughout the city.

Tom deserves recognition and high praise for is work in the community. However, it wasn't the community activist, the crusader for responsible gun control, or the man with political aspirations, I grew to love, it was the nature of Tom's character and who he was as a loving, caring, compassionate person, capable of incredible service and support, that
constantly drew me to him. I watched and listened as he provided his children with love and support, going to Amy's soccer games, helping Tommy with a science project, taking them to the movies or for a hike. I marveled at his ability to keep his perspective and remain committed to the most important elements of his life - his family. I enjoyed great times on skiing trips with Tom and his kids - he also really knew how to just have fun.

I also came to cherish our time alone together, as we talked with each other about our private pains and sorrows, our personal joys and triumphs. I listened carefully to his words of counsel and caring, and I continue to listen to him today.

I remember when he came to the hospital after my heart surgery. Then, after I was home, he organized a group of friends to bring dinner for my partner and me every night for more than two weeks during my recovery. That was how Tom envisioned community and neighborhood, and in my case how he also brought to me his care and love.

It is with a broken heart that I find myself standing here - I could never have imagined being together with all of you under such circumstances. But - I'm here - we're here, remembering and celebrating the life of an extraordinary man who continues to live within each of us, who leaves each of us stronger and with greater resolution to support the causes important to us, and, finally, leaves each of us richer for having him in our lives.

Tom - I love you.