Remembrance of Tom

By Steve Kidder

Seattle, October 20, 2001

My name is Steve Kidder. I live in Boston, Massachusetts and I went to school with Tom Wales at Milton Academy and then Harvard College where we were roommates. As his friend for more than 34 years, I only ever called him Tommy so that is how I will refer to him today.

Most of you have known Tommy over the last 18 years. You have seen the dedication and passion he brought to every aspect of life…his children, his family, his friends, his community, his work, both as a federal prosecutor and as a national leader in the fight for sensible gun control measures. And you have seen the way in which he challenged others to bring the same dedication and passion to life. Today, I am speaking as a representative for all of Tommy's college roommates who are here. I hope to be able to give you a glimpse and a feel for the Tommy Wales who grew up in and loved Boston and Vinalhaven, Maine but came to call Seattle his home.

First, let me be clear. The Tommy we loved is the same Tommy you loved. That wonderful generosity of spirit, compassion and commitment have always made Tommy stand out. For me, as for all of us, the memories have come flooding back over the past week.

I see Tommy standing in front of Ware Hall at Milton Academy speaking to the school community in his role as Head Monitor, the head of the student body. The spring of our senior year, 1970, was a crazy time with Vietnam War resistance and riots on many college campuses. Tommy, as ever, was calm and collected (his voice squeaked occasionally, but the presentation was still forceful). He was the student leader and respectful of the position and the responsibilities that came with it, but he wanted us all to think and respond to the world around us. He challenged us --- "Don't just let life happen to you," was Tommy's message back in 1970.

I see him at Harvard College in the early 1970's. Tommy's passion and commitment didn't always have the sense of higher purpose he showed over the last 20 years. For a stretch of time at Harvard, his principal goal was to be the best pinball player in Cambridge…and boy how he worked at it. He would go to the bank and get a bunch of $10 dollar rolls of quarters and disappear seemingly for days on end. And then he would reappear in our room and announce that he had just set the world record for the new Triex machine at Elsie's Delicatessen.

And I see him returning, somewhat sheepishly, from the Harvard athletic building on a cold fall day. The day before, Tommy had announced that he had decided to become a championship diver and he was going to be the savior of the Harvard diving team. "Invent yourself" and imagine yourself as a great diver was Tommy's plan. So that night he went to bed early and marched off the next morning to the pool to give the good news to the diving coach. Well, when I saw Tommy last month, he was in wonderful physical condition…running, climbing and exercising regularly. That wasn't always the case in college. Apparently, that day Tommy decided to swim four or five brisk laps to loosen up. He then hopped out of the pool and walked to the Coach's office just off to the side of the pool to let him know that the team was in for substantial improvement. He had no sooner announced his name and intention when he passed out cold at the Coach's feet and awoke a minute later with the Coach waving smelling salts under his nose. That was his last appearance for the diving team.

But the picture that comes to mind most vividly is the Tommy to whom any one of us could and would go when something was wrong either with the world or with ourselves. He was always available when someone was down. His presence and companionship were a sanctuary for me and for all his friends -- he would cock his head, look you in the eyes with that wry smile on his face and respond in a way that made you know he was not only listening, he also understood. Tommy Wales never left anyone behind.
And I'll always remember the Tommy I had dinner with about 6 weeks ago. He was so happy - he talked about his kids, Tommy and Amy, and he just glowed. He was so passionate about the two of you. And he talked about himself - his personal and professional happiness. He had plans and goals for the future. He told us about the commencement speech he gave in June at Edmonds Community College. He had so much fun with the speech. He told us how on leaving the podium two mothers of graduates came up to him during the procession out of the hall. One told him it was the worst speech she had ever heard and the other told him it was the best speech she had ever heard. I'm still not sure which reaction he enjoyed more.
Tommy mailed us a copy of that speech. It arrived about two weeks ago. That speech was definitely Tommy.

"Life is not a dress rehearsal", Tommy said… "it's the main event; don't waste your time on the stage. We're all forgiven many sins in our lifetime, but the most difficult to forgive, in my view, is wasting the gift of life on this planet."

Tommy Wales did not waste his gift of life and we all are the better for it. God speed Tommy - we love you.